My God is Enough

Psalm 63:1 "You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water."

Do we believe that God is Enough? 
Ann Voskamp wrote, "You are enough because the great I am is in you and with you and for you, He is enough and that is enough!"

A little girl waits for her daddy to get home from work and he doesn't show.  Her mommy plays a game in the middle of the floor and they are smiling, but wondering where daddy is.  Minutes later he walks through the door with a stench of alcohol on his breath, and he is in a rage.  Angry at nothing, but angry at something.  The little girl goes to the corner of the room shaking and scared as she watches her daddy punish her mommy for no reason.  She cries out, "Please stop hurting my mommy." This is not the first time.

A little girl waits for daddy to pick her up on the weekends and he doesn't show.  She wonders if daddy forgot or if he is in jail again, but she will never know.

That same little girl tries so hard to please her mommy, but motherhood is so tasking when you are alone and trying to survive that perception is distorted.  She is loved for sure, but at a price.

A little girl tells her brother that she will protect him and she loves him so much and she rubs his hair as he cries himself to sleep.  She will protect him from all pain in the world.  She will take it on herself.

She is a firstborn.  She is strong. She cannot let anyone know the pain she has bottled up inside her.  She will conquer this past, but the drive for perfection is so far deep inside that she cannot breathe.  She is trapped.  Trapped in a body that is never good enough, trapped in a mind that will not relax,  trapped in a whirlwind of ideas and visions that hold her captive, and trapped with expectations of how life should be.

Perfection: The condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects, or the action or process of improving something until it is faultless or as faultless as possible.  

She strives, but nothing is ever good enough.  It is not possible, and deep inside she knows that, but keeps striving anyway.  She is broken.

She marries a broken man and together they set off to change the world.  One day of fear at a time.

Fear is crippling her, but what is she afraid of?  Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of being unloved, fear of not being good enough, fear of saying the wrong thing, fear of gaining weight, fear of not being perfect.

She smiles, her heart is soft and she is full of love, a love that just wants to take away everyone's pain.  She listens as if to take over their heart and tell them it will be okay.  Trust and hold on to Jesus, he will never let you go.  Jesus is the answer, seek him, abide in him.  She prays. She believes.  She doubts. She holds fear.

Why is Jesus good enough for everyone else, but not for her? She wants to protect everyone, she wants to make it all better. She nurtures and loves, but inside she is broken.

When life gets hard and Oh it gets hard she turns to Jesus, but does she really believe she is unconditionally loved?  Does she believe she is good enough for Christ to really love? Does she believe that God really has a plan for her and that she was not just some mistake made by two people who were not ready to be parents?

She knows with her head the right answer, but does she really believe it with her heart?

On a daily basis she has to tell herself Christ is Enough and He is.  Only Jesus can fill the empty hole in her heart.  The hole of no father, the hole of a surviving mother, the hole of never being good enough. The hole of trying to be the perfect wife, mom, and still look good. Trying to meet everyone's needs except her own.  Wanting to hold it all together so it appears perfect from the outside, but knowing she is crumbling on the inside.

This little girl with tears in her eyes sits on the edge of her bed and reads:
 Psalm 139 
"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.  Where can I go from your Spirit? where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.  If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.  If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you.  For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.  How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! how vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.  If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.  Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you?  I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.  Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive Way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

According to this, she is more than loved! She was thought of before time began.  She is consumed by Christ's thoughts and he is just waiting for her to say, I Am Enough! The Great I Am is all she needs when life is up or down.  Christ is there with open arms waiting to be her father, husband, and her friend.  My God is Enough!